The Future Looks, Kinda Blank...

Actual picture of a blank slate

So getting better after my excursion into sepsis land, strength is coming back, able to do the same level of weight workout as before, and getting a handle on the new pee removal process. It's great stuff if you're a data junkie, you sit and fixate on how much you drink and then how much you pee. I'm sure there's some mathematical model that could be created to predict future output based on current input, I'll have to see if I can come up with that, I'm sure it would be a boon to the medical community and might even snag me a Nobel prize.

We're getting closer to me leaving Care Meridian and finally heading to Valley Med for rehab, the wound is down to only ~ 3.5 centimeters deep, from the 15 cm it was when I got here. Seems that without my body having to fight a bunch of evil kooties in my bladder it can concentrate more on filling in the wound. That's a good thing. When it's going well it heals up about 1-2 cm a week.

Started a new thing this week, there is a device called a "tilt table" here, imagine the table that they put Frankenstein's monster on, you lay on it, they strap you down then it tilts you up from horizontal to vertical. It has a ledge for your feet, so you don't slide down. The idea is to do a couple of things, one is to get you slowly acclimated to being vertical, the other to help get weight on your feet and leg bones to stave off osteoporosis and help with blood flow. The acclimation is needed because after so long in bed my equilibrium has reoriented itself and needs to be reset. This takes time, otherwise if you try to go completely vertical too soon, you pass out due to low blood pressure, since paralyzed legs can no longer help pump the blood back up from the legs to the heart and brain. I did ok until we got to 60 degrees, lasted 20 minutes then almost passed out so they lowered me back to flat very quickly. They said that this was normal, and that I actually did well lasting 20 minutes, so we'll keep trying until I can handle 90 degrees, which is needed if I'm going to try and sit in a wheel chair.

Why does the future look blank? Glad you asked. I came to a realization last week that I was not going to get my life back. For weeks I would sit and think about when I could get my old life back. But it ain't gonna happen. In fact most of what was my life is either gone or on it's way out. My house, truck, hobbies, and even my position where I work. I realized that am looking at a whole new life I'm going to have to build almost from scratch. New place to live, new job ( but at the same company, the CEO their has been great and very accommodating through this whole process, a testament to his character. We'll be creating a new position for me when I get back.) , new hobbies and things to find enjoyment in, etc. Even those things that are still there will be dealt with differently since I will be in a wheel chair. Many things will be harder, take longer to do, getting dressed for example.

The only thing that remains constant and will still be as it was before are my friends and family, and that's a good thing since they are the most important. So there will be a lot of rebuilding and creating new stuff. I'm looking at a very blank slate, which is one the one hand very daunting, on the other offers a lot of opportunities. My job right now is to believe in the possibilities and not allow myself to become overwhelmed by the fact that everything is so unknown and open-ended.